Well known Christian author, John Trent, tells the following story. Mary had grown up knowing that she was different from the other kids, and she hated it. She was born with a cleft palate and had to bear the jokes and stares of cruel children who teased her non-stop about her misshaped lip, crooked nose, and garbled speech. With all the teasing, Mary grew up hating the fact that she was “different”. She was convinced that no one outside her family could ever love her. . . until she entered Mrs. Leonard’s class. Mrs. Leonard had a warm smile, a round face, and shiny brown hair. While everyone in her class liked her, Mary came to love Mrs. Leonard.
In the 1950’s, it was common for teachers to give their children an annual hearing test. However, in Mary’s case, in addition to her cleft palate, she was barely able to hear out of one ear. Determined not to let the other children have another “difference” to point out, she would cheat on the test each year. The “whisper test” was given by having a child walk to the classroom door, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and then repeat something which the teacher whispered. Mary turned her bad ear towards her teacher and pretended to cover her good ear. She knew that teachers would often say things like, “The sky is blue,” or “What colour are your shoes?” But not on that day. Surely, God put seven words in Mrs. Leonard’s mouth that changed Mary’s life forever. When the “whisper test” came, Mary heard the words: “I wish you were my little girl.”
This story certainly illustrates the potential of words, spoken in due season, to drastically alter the destiny of an individual’s life for the better. Through our words each one of us has the capacity to significantly affect the lives of others. How will we choose to use this powerful tool entrusted to us by God?
I am certain that at some point in each of our lives we have said something that we regret, and that we really wish we could take back. It is the reality of life on this earth that we don’t always say the ideal things, and in many cases we say things which are downright hurtful and cause others to become offended. Often we don’t intend to hurt others with our words, but we still find that this does happen, and of course the human tendency to speak on impulse contributes to this. Sometimes our words leave permanent scars and our relationships are never the same afterwards.
So, how do we control the tongue, and how important are our words really? King David said, “I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.” Psalms 39:1. We see here that David is hoping not to sin with his tongue. It is clear that our words, and how we use our tongue is quite serious. Failing to control our tongue will ultimately cause us to transgress God’s law, and transgressing God’s law will disqualify us from heaven.
What does David mean when he specifically mentions that he will bridle his tongue, while the wicked is before him? Why is it specifically important to watch our words when we are in the presence of non-believers or the unrighteous? In the presence of the unrighteous, or non-believers who have an open mind to hearing about God, we must be very careful of our words and conduct, because we know that our words can either be their salvation or can turn them off of Christianity forever. For those non-believers who are openly opposed to God and anything relating to Him, we also must be careful because we know they are looking for any opportunity to misconstrue or misinterpret our words to serve their own purposes of painting us in an unfavourable light.
In relation to our conduct around other believers we know that our words can either uplift and encourage or cause people to become discouraged or be given over to despair. As the saying goes “The Christian army is the only one with the tendency to shoot its wounded.” What does this mean?
Well, as Christians, often when we discover that a fellow believer is struggling with a certain sin we are somewhat shocked, and our first instinct is to judge them and speak negatively about them. The reality is that a person in that situation probably feels guilt and sadness about the sin they are struggling against. Therefore, when we come along in that moment and pronounce words of condemnation, when they already feel somewhat ostracized from their fellow brethren due to their own course of action, this has the tendency to compound the problem. Ultimately this can cause them to become estranged from the church and to engage fully in a lifestyle of sin.
However, if we follow the Biblical principle laid out by Christ of loving the sinner and hating the sin we will never make this mistake. We will consistently call sin by its right name and warn them of their danger; but, due to our love of the sinner it will be our utmost priority to speak words of hope and upliftment, while simultaneously warning them of the imminent danger of their course of action. The goal of our words will ultimately be to bring that person back into the fold and secure their salvation. Logically we must realize that speaking words of condemnation is a clear indicator that the person passing judgment has not made the salvation of the struggling soul their primary goal.
“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.” James 1:26. Is it important to seek only to look outwardly religious? If we have to seek to only look outwardly religious this is a sure sign that our hearts and characters are not where they should be. If Christ is truly living in our hearts then our words and example will be the outflowing of all the love for Jesus and our fellowman that we have in our hearts.
If the tongue is unbridled, or uncontrolled, then it will be evident that the inner man has not yet been transformed by the grace of God. The words that we speak are one of the truest indicators of what is really in our heart, and the quality of our character. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” Matthew 12:34. This is why our words are so important, because they cannot be disconnected from our thoughts, our motives, and the state of our heart in relation to God. Our words cannot be viewed in isolation, because our thoughts and the motives of our heart are the source of our words. No matter how hard an individual may try to keep up an appearance of Godliness or religion, sooner or later an individual will betray their true character through their words, because no one has complete self-control.
The more sin someone has harboured in their heart the greater the chance this will come out in their words, because sin is associated with impulsivity, which will ultimately manifest itself in a lack of self-control in relation to our words. Therefore, a tendency to speak impulsive words usually has a direct correlation to an impulsive nature or character.
“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.” Matthew 12:36–37. It reads, “every idle word” not “every evil word”. Therefore, it is important to keep in mind that the goal of our words should always be to uplift and our words must have purpose. If our words are careless and frivolous and without purpose, but not directly evil, we will still be judged for them. Furthermore, we know that our words are copied verbatim in heaven, and unlike our prayers to which the Holy Spirit adds and improves, our words are recorded just as they are. “Closely connected with Christ’s warning in regard to the sin against the Holy Spirit is a warning against idle and evil words. The words are an indication of that which is in the heart. ‘Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.’” –The Desire of Ages, p. 323
“If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” James 3:2. Who would have ever thought that words could be so important that if we offend not in word, we have attained perfection. How is this possible? It is possible because, if our words are perfect and do not offend but rather uplift, as previously mentioned, it is a clear indicator that our innermost thoughts and motivations have been fully submitted to God.
If we are able to control the tongue we are also able to bridle the whole body. In other words, if we can control such a troublesome member, the tongue, then this is a very clear indicator that our life, as a whole, has been submitted to Jesus.
Control of the tongue goes hand in hand with controlling our thoughts. Although our words influence others, our words also have an influence upon ourselves. When we make our best effort to speak positively, even if we do not feel all that positive, then our state of mind will start to reflect that and will begin to have a more positive outlook on life. Similarly, if we have negative thoughts that we actually express through words, these negative thoughts will become stronger and will begin to pervade every area of our being, ultimately drastically affecting our perception of our lives.
Also, very importantly, “The words are more than an indication of character; they have power to react on the character. Men are influenced by their own words. Often under a momentary impulse, prompted by Satan, they give utterance to jealousy or evil surmising, expressing that which they do not really believe; but the expression reacts on the thoughts. They are deceived by their words, and come to believe that true which was spoken at Satan’s instigation. Having once expressed an opinion or decision, they are often too proud to retract it, and try to prove themselves in the right, until they come to believe that they are. It is dangerous to utter a word of doubt, dangerous to question and criticize divine light. The habit of careless and irreverent criticism reacts upon the character, in fostering irreverence and unbelief. Many a man indulging this habit has gone on unconscious of danger, until he was ready to criticize and reject the work of the Holy Spirit.” –The Desire of Ages, p. 323
This is excellent motivation to pray to Jesus every time we have a negative thought or feeling inside. Pray to Him that He takes it away and relieves us of that thought, and do our utmost through the help of Christ to prevent that thought from being expressed in our words. The longer we dwell on a thought the more likely it will be expressed as words, so we must pray that the Lord removes a negative thought immediately.
Psychologists Cliff Notarius of Catholic University and Howard Markman of the University of Denver studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage; they found a very subtle but telling difference at the beginning of the relationships. Among couples who would ultimately stay together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were putdowns. Among couples who would later split, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. That gap magnified over the following decade, until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many cruel and invalidating comments at each other as happy couples. “Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time,” says Notarius, who with Markman co-authored the new book We Can Work It Out. “In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blowups.” (U.S. News and World Report, 1994). This is significant evidence of the danger in expressing negative thoughts in words, because not only does it erode trust and negatively influence the thoughts of others, but also it consolidates the negative thought in our own mind.
“Cultivate the habit of speaking well of others. Dwell upon the good qualities of those with whom you associate, and see as little as possible of their errors and failings. When tempted to complain of what someone has said or done, praise something in that person’s life or character. Cultivate thankfulness. Praise God for His wonderful love in giving Christ to die for us. It never pays to think of our grievances. God calls upon us to think of His mercy and His matchless love, that we may be inspired with praise.” –The Ministry of Healing, p. 492
What kind of a world would we live in, if everyone followed that principle? The principle of resisting the urge to speak negatively of others, and every time that temptation arises speaking well of them. What kind of a church would we enjoy if all members of the church followed that principle?
Almost everyone has some redeeming qualities, and so even if we feel their negative attributes far outweigh their positive attributes, we should still focus on the small positives rather than the more pronounced negatives.
“These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever He goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God.” Revelation 14:4–5. We understand that all those who constitute the 144,000 will be faultless or perfect before God, and it is clear that a significant part of that perfection is the fact that they have no guile in their mouths. They have overcome all tendencies to speak words out of impulse, or to speak words that glorify themselves, or to speak words that are idle rather than words that uplift and encourage.
The character is the only thing we can take to heaven and given how closely correlated our words and characters are we must have absolutely no guile in our mouths to be deemed worthy of heaven.
“Among the members of many families there is practiced the habit of saying loose, careless things; and the habit of tantalizing, of speaking harsh words, becomes stronger and stronger as it is indulged, and thus many objectionable words are spoken that are after Satan’s order and not after the order of God. . . . Burning words of passion should never be spoken, for in the sight of God and holy angels they are as a species of swearing.” –The Adventist Home, p. 439
Let us keep in mind the fact that passionate words are just like any other sin, the more we give in to the temptation to speak words impulsively, the stronger this sin becomes and the more difficult it becomes to resist the urge to speak. And as we speak more impulsively words that are not in accordance with God’s will, it will directly influence our thoughts. Our ability to think high and holy thoughts will be compromised.
Often the words we speak and the meanings attached to them are in part socially and culturally constructed. Words and their meanings do change over time. Therefore, what God will hold us accountable for are not necessarily our exact words but our motivations and intentions for saying those words, and the state of our heart while saying those words. That is why it mentions in the above quote that to the heavenly beings our passionate words are viewed as a form of swearing. To humans swearing is inherently worse than merely speaking passionate words, but to God, words spoken in anger, rage, and passion are just as sinful as swearing, even if the swearing itself is omitted.
Finally, let us keep in mind that our thoughts lead to words; our words are instrumental in shaping our actions, our actions ultimately form our habits, our habits begin to define and shape our character, and our character will determine our eternal destiny. So, how important is it that we prevent our ungodly thoughts from ever being expressed as words, and instead give these thoughts straight to Jesus?
“And when Herod saw Jesus, he was exceeding glad: for he was desirous to see Him of a long season, because he had heard many things of Him; and he hoped to have seen some miracle done by Him. Then he questioned with Him in many words; but He answered him nothing.” Luke 23:8–9. Why did Jesus choose to stay quiet in this scenario?
“The mission of Christ in this world was not to gratify idle curiosity. He came to heal the brokenhearted. Could He have spoken any word to heal the bruises of sin-sick souls, He would not have kept silent. But He had no words for those who would but trample the truth under their unholy feet.
“Christ might have spoken words to Herod that would have pierced the ears of the hardened king. He might have stricken him with fear and trembling by laying before him the full iniquity of his life, and the horror of his approaching doom. But Christ’s silence was the severest rebuke that He could have given. Herod had rejected the truth spoken to him by the greatest of the prophets, and no other message was he to receive. Not a word had the Majesty of heaven for him. That ear that had ever been open to human woe, had no room for Herod’s commands. Those eyes that had ever rested upon the penitent sinner in pitying, forgiving love had no look to bestow upon Herod. Those lips that had uttered the most impressive truth, that in tones of tenderest entreaty had pleaded with the most sinful and the most degraded, were closed to the haughty king who felt no need of a Saviour.” –The Desire of Ages, p. 730
The greatest prophet of all time had spoken directly to Herod, and since he had rejected this prophet, his window of grace had passed. Jesus recognized that it was curiosity rather than a genuine desire to know the truth that prompted Herod’s desire to see a miracle. But he did see a miracle that day. Jesus did not sin with a word, a thought, or even a look. Jesus was able to show this incredible love in the face of intense hatred in this time of crisis. It is a miracle that only love existed in His heart. At the present time we must strive to ensure that our hearts are fully surrendered to Christ, which will ensure that at the future time of crisis we can claim this miracle also—that our words and actions will display only love. Only love will be present in our words because, with the help of Christ, that will be the most significant characteristic present in our heart. Absolutely no hate will be expressed in our words because all hate will have been eliminated and replaced with a pure Christ-like love.
Like Jesus we must have the wisdom to recognize when our words would be beneficial because the person is truly seeking for the truth, as opposed to when we would merely be throwing our pearls before the swine. Like Jesus we must realize that silence is sometimes golden, particularly when our words will be of no benefit or encouragement due to the hardness of the heart of the hearers.
May God help us to consistently use our words to be a shining light in a dark world, and realize that our words can be a powerful force in reaching souls with the love of Jesus. Amen.
Richard Eaton