All people have feelings and emotions. Some display them in a stronger manner than others, yet all people do have them. Love is one of the most desirable feelings a person often craves. Two young people feel very much in love and then get married. Many get married on emotion alone. They have warm feelings of love, joy, contentment, satisfaction etc. when in the company of the one they say they love. Sadly, about half of the marriages fall apart. People are no longer in love with their spouse. What has happened? How can the feelings change?
From a worldly perspective, love is only an emotion with feelings we experience; an emotion characterized by the desire to be close to another person in a relationship, whether in marriage, in the family or with friends. In the Greek language there are different words describing the different forms of love such as: Eros (marriage) Filial (family and friends). Unfortunately, sometimes friends separate, families alienate, and, as mentioned above, marriages end in divorce because feelings of love can change. One day you may feel you love someone but the next day you may be annoyed, or even angry, by their actions. Separations occur when the feelings of love wane. They move on to someone else who they feel more loving towards.
If we limit our understanding of love to the experience of our emotions, we do not have a true concept of the love of God. The love of God abiding in the soul is not dependent upon changing circumstances, feelings or perceptions. It is a love that endures under all circumstances. Beyond feelings.
When Jesus died on the cross, He prayed to His Father saying, “Father forgive them” Luke 23:34. Do you think He loved them? Yes, He did. Do you think He actually had a strong feeling of affection for them? Very likely—as a parent does to an erring child. It is a love filled with sorrow and sadness—a love that is beyond one’s personal feelings and needs at the time. A parent will often suffer and sacrifice for the benefit of an erring child regardless if they are worthy of such sentiments or not.
The principle of love, which tells us that we are to be gentle, kind and treat others with respect despite sometimes not having corresponding emotions is called Agape in Greek. Unconditional love—the ability to love the unlovable without expecting any love in return. It has no restraints or conditions. We are to go as far as Jesus did—”But I say unto you, Love your enemies.” Matthew 5:44. This is often beyond any warm, affectionate feelings.
Corrie Ten Boom spent many years in a Nazi prison camp in World War II. She lost her sister to the cruelty of the prison guards. Corrie survived her time in the prison camp and was released. After the war, she went around the continent giving motivational, inspirational talks. At one meeting, an elderly man walked into the back.
He was, “a former SS man who guarded her in the concentration camp. As the man approached her to shake her hand, everything in her reminded her of the horrid pain this man had brought upon her. And even though Corrie often spoke of the need to forgive others, she knew she couldn’t forgive this man in her own strength. God had to do it through her. Corrie writes, ‘When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.’ God gave Corrie the strength to forgive and love the man when she could not.” https://www.markmerrill.com/corrie-ten-boom-the-ultimate-forgiveness-story/
This is to love beyond feeling. Once we make a decision to do right, the Lord provides the strength, and sometimes the proper feelings and emotions. When you make the decision the Lord will provide the necessary feelings in your heart in due time. If you wait to “feel ready” to forgive or love, it may never to happen. You must make the decision to forgive and love (agape) regardless of how your heart feels at the moment.
After His resurrection, “Christ mentioned to Peter only one condition of service—’Lovest thou Me?’ This is the essential qualification. Though Peter might possess every other, yet without the love of Christ he could not be a faithful shepherd over the flock of God. Knowledge, benevolence, eloquence, zeal—all are essential in the good work; but without the love of Christ in the heart, the work of the Christian minister is a failure.” –The Acts of the Apostles, p. 515
Reading from 1 Corinthians 13, we see that the Apostle Paul clearly laid it out that the greatest deeds done are nothing if they are not done in love.
WHAT IS LOVE?
Many people do not understand what love really is. They think only of that warm fuzzy feeling that they expect to accompany love.
But the reality is, “The love of Christ is not a fitful feeling, but a living principle, and it is not only to be expressed in words, but to be lived out in the life, and to be made manifest as an abiding power in the heart.” –The Bible Echo, May 28, 1894. (emphasis mine). It mentions words and deeds here. Love is beyond words and feelings only.
I am sure most of us have all heard this phrase many times over (love is not a feeling but a principle). It is a term used throughout the Christian world and much is written about this in the Spirit of Prophecy. The words “love” and “principle” appear over 800 times in the same paragraph in the Spirit of Prophecy, therefore it must be an important truth. What does this mean? Are you to have no feelings for the person you marry, or for family or friends? Does that make us robots? Are we to be kind and obey without feeling or emotion?
One young man stated, “I was taught that ‘love is a principle.’ This produced superficial behaviours that could be ‘produced’ because they were right but my heart was not engaged. This gave justification to the idea that appearances where more important than my internal, relational, emotional or spiritual state. This produced the culture of hypocrisy—feel one thing but say and do another. Denial of the emotional side of who I am led to ‘emotional flattening’ and joylessness.” http://www.formeradventist.com/discus/messages/12959/10573.html?1287516773
Was he correct? In the extreme sense, there is some merit in what he said. God did create man as a thinking and feeling person with emotions. However, feelings are not facts. They are just how we feel. We cannot ignore our feelings—that would not be correct, or, as I stated, we would be mere robots. While we need to pay attention to our feelings we do not always need to act on them. Our course of action in life should not be how we feel, but what we know to be right. It Is possible to do right things but from an unloving heart. We love ourselves and fear the punishment, so we grudgingly obey. We do not love to obey and serve others. Genuine love, not only helps and serves others, but sincerely enjoys doing it.
To be able to love is actually a gift from God. “Supreme love for God and unselfish love for one another—this is the best gift that our heavenly Father can bestow. This love is not an impulse, but a divine principle, a permanent power. The unconsecrated heart cannot originate or produce it. Only in the heart where Jesus reigns is it found.” –Reflecting Christ, p. 234
Here is a key point. Read it slowly. The genuine principle of love is to live by giving love. Many have a preconceived idea that love is something we receive from others. Marriages break down when one feels their spouse did not love and respect them as they should. They feel happy when they are loved and unhappy when they do not feel loved. However, true love is not something that we take, but something we give and keep on giving expecting no reward. “Love that gives” is eternal happiness as it is not conditioned on the love that we receive from others. And yet, we are not to wait until we have warm feelings before we are asked to love and obey (as did Corrie Ten Boom).
Let’s define a few terms here:
Feelings are emotions that end up with some sort of sensation, such as: a feeling of warmth; a feeling of pain; a feeling of sorrow; a feeling of joy.
Passion is a powerful emotion , feeling, or desire (i.e. Lust, hatred) that often leads to actions.
Principle: is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior.
To love, we may have a warm feeling, but it should not be uncontrolled feelings leading to passion, but feelings controlled by principle.
Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind.” –The Adventist Home, p. 50. Interesting—holy affection is not a feeling.
“There is but little real, genuine, devoted, pure love. This precious article is very rare. Passion is termed love.” –Ibid. Passion is mentioned here as not being love. Uncontrolled feelings lead to passion which has a difficult time controlling actions.
“Love . . . is not unreasonable; it is not blind. It is pure and holy. But the passion of the natural heart is another thing altogether. While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will make the object of its choice an idol. In all the deportment of one who possesses true love, the grace of God will be shown. Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religion will characterize every step toward an alliance in marriage. Those who are thus controlled will not be absorbed in each other’s society, at a loss of interest in the prayer meeting and the religious service. Their fervor for the truth will not die on account of the neglect of the opportunities and privileges that God has graciously given to them.” –The Adventist Home, p. 50–51
“True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.” –The Adventist Home, p. 51
“True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely tested.” –The Adventist Home, p. 50. It is enduring, as is the love of Christ.
True love must be nourished so it can grow as a plant. “Mildness, gentleness, forbearance, long-suffering, being not easily provoked, bearing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things—these are the fruit growing upon the precious tree of love, which is of heavenly growth.” –Testimonies for the Church, vol. 2, p. 134–135
Jesus said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15. “He that hath My commandments, and kept them, he it is that loveth Me: and he that loveth Me shall be loved of My Father, and I will love him, and will manifest Myself to him. . . . If a man love Me, he will keep My words: and My Father will love Him, and We will come unto Him, and make Our abode with him. He that loveth Me not keepeth not My sayings: and the word which ye hear is not Mine, but the Father’s which sent Me.” John 14:21, 23, 24. Clearly, love=obedience (keeping the commandments)
TRUE LOVE BEYOND FEELING
“You would then serve God from principle. Your feelings might not always be of a joyous nature; clouds would at times shadow the horizon of your experience; but the Christian’s hope does not rest upon the sandy foundation of feeling. Those who act from principle, will behold the glory of God beyond the shadows, and rest upon the sure word of promise. They will not be deterred from honoring God, however dark the way may seem. Adversity and trial will only give them an opportunity to show the sincerity of their faith and love. When depression settles upon the soul, it is no evidence that God had changed. He is ‘the same yesterday, and today, and forever.’ You are sure of the favor of God when you are sensible of the beams of the Sun of Righteousness; but if the clouds sweep over your soul, you must not feel that you are forsaken. Your faith must pierce the gloom. Your eye must be single, and your whole body shall be full of light. The riches of the grace of Christ must be kept before the mind. Treasure up the lessons that His love provides. Let your faith be like Job’s that you may declare, ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.’ Lay hold on the promises of your Heavenly Father, and remember His former dealing with you, and with His servants; for ‘all things work together for good to them that love God.’”–The Review and Herald, January 24, 1888
From the personal experience of Ellen White, she states: “Teach them [CHILDREN] that religion is a living principle. Had I been brought up with the idea that religion is a mere feeling, my life would have been a useless one. But I never let feeling come between Heaven and my soul. Whatever my feelings may be, I will seek God at the commencement of the day, at noon, and at night, that I may draw strength from the living Source of power.” –Reflecting Christ, p. 169
The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” Romans 12:9–10. Your love must be without dissimulation (It must be genuine—without pretense). We are to be kindly affectioned to one another in brotherly love (filial)—remember that holy affection is not a feeling but a principle (as mentioned above). In honour preferring one another. This is a difficult one. How often human nature prefers to look out and prefer themselves. This is the common theme in worldly people—they do whatever makes them happy. They go wherever they want to go. They eat what they want to eat. And so on. Whatever makes them happy, regardless what others around them think or feel. They only love themselves. This is not the love of God. The love of God denies self for the good of others. The love of self, denies others for the good of self.
“Love is power. Intellectual and moral strength are involved in this principle, and cannot be separated from it. The power of wealth has a tendency to corrupt and destroy; the power of force is strong to do hurt; but the excellence and value of pure love consist in its efficiency to do good, and to do nothing else than good. Whatsoever is done out of pure love, be it ever so little or contemptible in the sight of men, is wholly fruitful; for God regards more with how much love one worketh than the amount he doeth. Love is of God. The unconverted heart cannot originate nor produce this plant of heavenly growth, which lives and flourishes only where Christ reigns.” –Testimonies for the Church, vol. 2, p. 135
“Love cannot live without action, and every act increases, strengthens, and extends it. Love will gain the victory when argument and authority are powerless. Love works not for profit nor reward; yet God has ordained that great gain shall be the certain result of every labor of love. It is diffusive in its nature and quiet in its operation, yet strong and mighty in its purpose to overcome great evils. It is melting and transforming in its influence, and will take hold of the lives of the sinful and affect their hearts when every other means has proved unsuccessful. Wherever the power of intellect, of authority, or of force is employed, and love is not manifestly present, the affections and will of those whom we seek to reach assume a defensive, repelling position, and their strength of resistance is increased. Jesus was the Prince of Peace. He came into the world to bring resistance and authority into subjection to Himself. Wisdom and strength He could command, but the means He employed with which to overcome evil were the wisdom and strength of love. Suffer nothing to divide your interest from your present work until God shall see fit to give you another piece of work in the same field. Seek not for happiness, for it is never to be found by seeking for it. Go about your duty. Let faithfulness mark all your doings, and be clothed with humility.” –Ibid, p. 135-136
“To love as Christ loves means to manifest unselfishness at all times and in all places by kind words and pleasant looks.” –The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, vol. 5, p. 1140. “There is no such thing as a loveless Christian.” –Ibid, p. 1141
King Solomon wrote a Proverb that is an appeal from Jesus. “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.” Proverbs 23:26. Two things mentioned. Give Me your heart, and observe (obey) My ways. Love and obey—the heart being the seat of love.
“If you would know the mystery of godliness, you must follow the plain word of truth,—feeling or no feeling, emotion or no emotion. Obedience must be rendered from a sense of principle, and the right must be pursued under all circumstances.” –Fundamentals of Christian Education, p. 125
May God help us to understand the true nature of love which is beyond any natural feelings and passions, to act on principle yet not ignore or consider feelings unessential. God did create man with the ability to love and have emotions. However, we need a true understanding of the love (agape) of God, which goes beyond any human feelings and God will supply the feelings as we step out and obey. Amen
Wendy Eaton