“The husband and father is the head of the household.” –The Adventist Home, p. 211. 1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” In the family, the husband has more responsibilities than everyone else. “I saw that but few fathers realized their responsibility.” –Ibid., p. 211. Today, that is probably more the case than at any time before. We constantly hear appeals to help battered women and women’s shelters, which tells us that the husbands are not living up to their responsibilities. It is well known that a man is supposed to be strong; a man is not to cry; a man is not supposed to give up. However, that is not always the way we men feel. There may come situations in your life when the burdens seem to be too difficult to bear. In these situations, let us not forget that we have a Heavenly Father that has promised to take care of us. Let us learn from Christ who was walking on this earth and doing good wherever He went. Try to do all in your power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. There is a saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” There is also a hymn that says, “Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn; through the storm, through the night, lead me on, through the night: Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.”
Practice your faith at home. Practice your faith when you go to church and practice your faith when you go to work. We read in 1 Corinthians 11:3, that the head of man is Christ and the head of Christ is God and the head of the woman is man.
What did God do? “God himself gave Adam a companion. He provided ‘an help meet for him.’ – – a helper corresponding to him – – one who was fitted to be his companion, and who could be one with him in love and sympathy. Eve was created from a rib taken from the side of Adam, signifying that she was not to control him as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet as an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal to be loved and protected by him.” –Ibid., p. 25
Some men act as if God created woman from the foot. But if we read John 17, we see the close connection between God the Father, and Jesus the Son. And the same spirit that was between Jesus and His Father, should be between Jesus and His disciples. The same spirit should also exist between husband and wife. As Jesus loves His church, so is the father of the household to love his wife and children. If we really understand this concept, I do not think that we have to worry about the dominating husband where everyone has to tremble before him. Christ did not rule His disciples with an iron fist. Remember the upper room when no one was willing to do the servant’s job, Jesus took the towel, put water in the basin and washed the disciple’s feet. So, if you think about your authority, think about Jesus.
Did the disciples make mistakes? They certainly did. Did Jesus correct them? Yes, He did, but in love. If you want to know what God is like, read Luke 15:11–32, the parable about the prodigal son. The father did not say, “Good riddance, we got rid of him. He was not a good farmer anyways.” Many families split up too easily today, move on, want to forget the past and start a new life. Not so in God’s family. The father was waiting for his son every day; his life was not the same before his son was home again. Our lives may be tough sometimes, but do not think that you can improve the situation by splitting up and running away. Our message for today is, “Here is the patience of the saints.” Revelation 14:12
Many husbands come home tired in the evening thinking they have done their share, but often forgetting that the mother that has looked after the children, cooked, cleaned, washed clothes and maybe worked in the garden all day long, and has possibly worked harder than he has. These are the times when it will show what kind of father he is. Sometimes we men take our job too seriously and get carried away, not paying enough attention to the mother and the children. It never hurts for the husband to do the dishes once in a while.
Jacob gives us a good example when his brother Esau suggested that they should all travel together to their father’s house. “Then Esau said, ‘Let us take our journey, and let us go, and I will go before thee.’ But Jacob said to him, ‘My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and the herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die. Please let my lord, I pray thee, pass over before his servant: and I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children are able to endure, until I come unto my lord in Seir.’” Genesis. 33.12–14. Jacob knew that the families with the children and livestock could not travel like soldiers, and we as fathers should also understand that sometimes we have to be patient with our family. It is important for fathers to spend time with the children, especially with the boys. Take time to play with them, train them and do projects together with them. These are the times that they will appreciate and remember later in life. In The Adventist Home, p. 224–228 we can read about the kind of husband not to be. Do not be bossy, do not be harsh. If you know you are right and your requirements are reasonable, you can be firm in your expectations. Do not raise your voice and do not act like a dictator. Show them in love that you care and you only want what is best for them and help them where necessary.
What if your wife would like to work outside the home? Maybe she is unhappy to be inside the four walls all the time. You may think that you make enough money, and you may think there is enough work at home, but she might still feel that she needs a change. Sit down and talk about it; try to find a suitable solution that everyone is happy with. There are also situations where it is difficult to get by on one income. Do not be too proud to let your wife help you to make ends meet.
In our case, when our son Paul was two to three years old, Franziska took care of two other young children. That way she was able to help with the income. It can make a big difference if you have a few extra dollars at the end of the month. When Paul started school, she started to clean houses for people. This way she could leave for work when he went to school and she was able to be home when school was out. It worked very well for us. Other mothers may say that they will not clean other people’s dirt; they have enough to clean in their own home. We are all different and have to live our individual lives, but whatever you do, try to find a way so you also have time for each other and for your children. May the Lord bless us as fathers and help us to guide our families in the Lord’s way. Amen.
Evald Pedersen