Friendship at Bethany

There are many kinds of friendships in the world. Today, amongst them are: Acquaintances – people we’re friendly with but don’t know very well. For instance, like in the workplace, we’re cordial to all our co- workers but don’t really see them elsewhere apart from that. Chums and buddies are people we’re definitely close to, people we can relate to, and feel at ease with. Best friends though are special, one-of -a-kind, and often hard to find. Most often we don’t have many of these, at the most 2 or 3, sometimes only one. With this kind of friend we can talk and laugh and cry and truly be ourselves in a way we can’t with others.

Humans need close ties with others to truly experience life. For a life without friends is not worth living, without the company of others there is no joy or happiness and our existence becomes void and empty, leaving much to be desired.

The Lord never intended it to be this way. He created man a social being and made this planet to be inhabited. (Isaiah 45:18)

The Bible is a wonderful book filled with exemplary friendships: Abraham was called “the friend of God”, with Moses He spoke “face to face”, “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul”, Daniel shared things with his friends (Daniel 2: 17), Ruth was very loyal (Ruth 1:16-17) and many more.

Moving on in history, let us take a look at our Saviour while He was here on earth. As the “only-begotten” Son of God and the “express image of his person”, “being made so much better than the angels” and the Creator of worlds, did He have any need of human companionship? Did He have any friends? Well, we know that there were the disciples who followed Him wherever He went and even ate and slept where He did, thus, forming a tight human bond.

Nevertheless, let us take a particular look at Bethany. Bethany comes from the Greek word ‘Bethania’ which means “house of unripe dates or figs”. “Now Bethany was nigh unto Jerusalem, about fifteen furlongs (2 miles) off’. Johnl1:8

The question now is, what was so special about this place, this town that lay east of the Jordan? There were several incidences connected with this place; it was the home of Martha, Mary and Lazarus; it was also here that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11); and finally, it was here that He attended the feast at Simon’s house. (Matt. 26; Mark 14; Luke 7)

Going back to our first question, what was so special about this place? The Spirit of Prophecy, in the Desire of Ages clarifies this.

“Jesus’ heart was knit by a strong bond of affection to the family at Bethany.. .At the home of Lazarus, Jesus had often found rest. The Saviour had no home of His own; He was dependant on the hospitality of His friends and disciples, and often when weary, thirsting for human fellowship, He had been glad to escape to this peaceful household, away from the suspicion and jealousy of the angry Pharisees. Here He found a sincere welcome and pure holy friendship. Here He could speak with simplicity and perfect freedom, knowing that His words would be understood and treasured. Our Saviour appreciated a quiet home and interested listeners. He longed for human tenderness, courtesy, and affection.. .”

Let us look at some of these qualities in closer detail.

Rest:

What does it mean to rest? Is it to sit on the sofa- and relax after a hard day’s work? Perhaps. Yet, this is not the type of rest Jesus was looking for when He came to visit His dear friends at Bethany. Jesus often came to this place “To escape the anger and jealousy of the Pharisees.” When He was with Martha, Mary and Lazarus He was able to relax, to be Himself and to unwind. In this little quiet sanctuary He was not tense but felt at ease. Hence, we can say that Jesus spent many hours at their home enjoying peace and quiet, feeling that He could relax and be Himself around people He knew cared about Him.

Today, there are many people who long for excitement, they just want to have a good time and often spend their days foolishly in reckless amusement.

In High school I had an acquaintance who began to choose this kind of life. She wanted to party all the time; fun and excitement were the things she was looking for. So she began to smoke and drink and I saw very little of her.

As the years passed by she began to change and soon grew weary of this fast-paced life – hopping from one party to the next.

One time, in our final year as we were on the bus on our way home I heard her say to another friend “you know something? Now, I don’t like to go to parties anymore. When my other friends call, I ignore the phone because I don’t want to go where they’re going. It’s funny, but now I just like to stay home and relax with a good book or just have two or three good friends over.”

As can be seen, the attractions that the world has to offer don’t satisfy us very much and soon lose their appeal for in them we can find no rest.

Jesus knows us so well that He gave us a special day of rest, the Sabbath, so that we can forget about our worldly cares and place our burdens and perplexities at His feet and find true rest in His outstretched arms.

Welcome:

What does it mean to welcome?

In Webster’s dictionary it says, “to be received with gladness and hospitality.” Also, it is “to be cherished, appreciated, and regarded with esteem”.

When you are with a friend, do you feel welcomed? Do you felt that the other person is happy to see you? Christ felt appreciated and cherished in the home of Lazarus. He could see the welcome in the eyes of these 3 friends and feel esteemed with regard by Mary as “she sat by His feet and heard the precious lessons of truth that fell from His lips.’

Both Abraham and Lot his nephew were very hospitable men and they were “not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares”. (Hebrews 13:2) We can see this in Genesis 18:1-8 and 19:1-3.

Ease:

To be at ease is to have “freedom from pain and disturbance”. It is freedom from affectation or awkwardness. In other words, it is to find repose and relief.

When you’re with a friend do you find perfect freedom or is there a certain awkwardness between both of you that prevents ease and comfort?

If you don’t feel at ease or comfortable with this person perhaps you’re not as great friends as you think you are.

Another thought to ponder is: what is the attitude of your friend towards that which you as a Christian hold sacred (the Bible, the church, and Christ)? ..

What is the influence of spending time with your friend? Does he or she make it harder or easier for you to pray?

Jesus felt completely at ease with His three friends from Bethany. They respected him and were in agreement with His views in life regarding the truth, also know as the Scriptures. The influence Jesus had on His friends was of a heavenly origin. By the example of His sinless character He taught them more than words can say. He helped them to develop their better qualities: He strengthened their faith (John 11:21-27, 39- 40) and taught them to love and hope.

Moreover, He was also able to communicate freely with them, sharing what was in His heart and mind without reserve.

Communication:

Communication always involves at least two people..

What is it that enables you to be friends with another person?

Is it. their appearance? Most certainly not. Or because of their talents? Could it be because of their possessions?

Of course, in real friendship, none of these apply.. Communication is a vital point in friendship. It is the ability to be able to talk and share ideas that builds a friendship, and time spent with each other is never worthless. Only by spending time together in close fellowship can you learn about one another. At Bethany, “Jesus could speak with simplicity and perfect freedom, knowing that His words would be understood and treasured.” Jesus could speak freely with Martha, Mary and Lazarus, there was no subject which He felt He could not broach for fear of offending them or getting them angry. In this quiet household He found true fellowship and a sympathetic relationship that connected Him to them. “Jesus’ heart was knit by a strong bond of affection to the family at Bethany.”

As a true friend Jesus sometimes cautioned His friends about where they were going and helped to push them into the right direction.

On one occasion ”as Christ gave His wonderful lessons, Mary sat at His feet, a reverent and devoted listener.. .Martha, perplexed with the care of preparing the meal, went to Christ saying ‘Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she may help me…’ Jesus answered her with mild, patient words, ‘Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things; but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen the good part which shall not be taken away from her.'”

Jesus gave her a gentle rebuke so that she would turn her eyes away from the secular and mundane matters of this world to a better land, a heavenly land. Christ pointed out the error of her ways but He did it in a spirit of love.

At times a supposed friend may see you having difficulties and may say to you “I saw that you were heading in the wrong direction but I was afraid to say anything.” However, if a real friend (Jesus to Martha) sees you heading in the wrong direction he’ll try to warn you before it is too late.. .although he knows you may get annoyed with him. Will you permit pride to cause you” to reject someone who truly cares about you and your welfare by telling you the truth? Proverbs 27:6 says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy deceitful.” That is why perhaps the friends you should look for are those who will speak to you in a candid manner.

Listening:

To listen is not to simply hear but to attend closely. “Our Saviour appreciated a quiet home and interested listeners… those who received the heavenly instruction He was always ready to impart were greatly blessed.”

When the Saviour visited – Mary listened, “she stored her mind with the precious words falling from the – Saviour’s lips, words that were more precious to her than the earth’s most costly jewels.”

There is a well-known quote that says, “nature has given man two ears and one mouth so that he may listen twice as much as he speaks.” To be able to listen well (to attend closely) is a talent, one that Martha did not possess. The talent of listening must be cultivated and practiced if it is to be learned. One must be a good listener if one wants to have good friends, in this respect, we can learn much from Mary.

“One day though sorrow entered the peaceful home where Jesus had rested. Lazarus was stricken with sudden illness.”… that eventually led to his death.

In this time of sorrow and grief how did Jesus show Himself to be a good friend? At first, it seems as if Jesus did not really care, for apparently He delayed His coming and remained for two days at the place where He was. Apparently Mary, Martha and the dying Lazarus were left alone… but they were not alone. “Christ beheld the whole scene, and after the death of Lazarus the bereaved sisters were upheld by His grace.” “Jesus witnessed the sorrow of their rent hearts, as their brother wrestled with his strong foe, death. He felt every pang of anguish as He said to His disciples ‘Lazarus is dead.’ He suffered every l2ang of sorrow they endured.”

Share your feelings:

The fact that Jesus shared His thoughts and innermost feelings won Him the love of His friends. On many different occasions Jesus shared His feelings. He showed that He was moved with compassion, “But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion on them ” (Matt. 9:36); that He felt sorrow. “Then saith He unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful (Matt. 26:38); that He felt love “then Jesus beholding him loved him.. .” (Mark 10:21); and that He felt grief “Jesus wept” (John l1:35) by showing His tears.

Jesus was not ashamed to express His feelings in front of the people He trusted and took as friends. Of course this does not mean that you are to reveal your emotions with everyone you meet but you can be sincere and show your feelings to those whom you hold dear.

By getting to know someone and by trusting in that person, you’ll be able to gradually reveal some of your deepest thoughts and feelings. At the same time, while you’re learning to sympathize (to feel compassionate and share another’s troubles) and empathize (participate and share in another’s emotions by putting yourself in their shoes) you strengthen the tie of friendship. “When Jesus saw Mary weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.” Jesus also wept, “Though He was the Son of God, yet He had taken human nature upon Him and He was moved by human sorrow. His tender, pitying heart is ever awakened to sympathy by suffering. He weeps with those that weep and rejoices with those that rejoice.

Now, let us briefly take another look at these six essential characteristics that are necessary in friendship and let us see how they apply to Christ and His followers today.

1. REST
2. WELCOME
3. EASE
4. COMMUNICATION
5. LISTENING
6. SHARING FEELINGS

1. As sinners in the world today we all have a place where we can come and rest awhile and gain new strength to aid us on our journey. This sanctuary of rest is found in God’s house – the church – but it is not confined to the physical aspect of the sanctuary; the walls and pillars that hold it up are not what consist of our being able to find rest. This rest is only found in Jesus Christ our Lord! by resting in His promises we can feel safe and secure. His people here on earth come to rest every Sabbath to forget the problems and difficulties that the cares of this world bring and remember their creator. Our thoughts are uplifted beyond this world and we begin to see with the eyes of faith the precious abode of rest He has prepared for us. Our tensions slowly ease up and we can find peace and quiet in His word

2. His call of invitation is made to all. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30)

He is always ready to sincerely welcome us with outstretched arms, “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was a long way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

We were lost in sin but the Spirit. found us and slowly led us home. Christ is always happy to see us, He cherishes and appreciates us and regards us as His children – the apple of His eye – with great esteem.

3. It is in Jesus that we can find freedom from pain and disturbance. With Him we can feel at ease and be ourselves. We can also speak to Him with great facility and find relief from our heavy burden of sin. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

4. Prayer, the breath of life, the key to heaven’s doors and the food of every child of God is the most important tool we possess. With it we can commune with Christ daily and get to truly know Him, thus, building an everlasting friendship that shall never be broken.

As we speak to Him in prayer, He speaks to us: though His word, through nature, through prophecy and revelation, through the Holy Spirit and through the voice of conscience.

5. Listen carefully and you will hear the still, small voice of God speaking to you: in the form of a bird upon a tree singing a song to uplift your spirits and cheer you on your way, in the loving tones of a brother or sister who points you back into the right direction, and through His precious word telling you of His love for you and how He died to make you free.

6. Finally, let us share with Him our deepest feelings and emotions for there is none other who can truly understand us, “For in that He himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succor them that are tempted.” (Hebrews 2: 18) “For we have an High priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

He became a man that He might sympathize and empathize with us and that is why He knows and understands us better than we do ourselves. Therefore, we can go to Him confidently, trusting that he will never betray us. Instead, the Son of man will hold out a helping hand that understands and pities us for He trod this way before us.

True friendship is a gift from heaven that we shouldn’t neglect to cultivate for by it our burdens are eased, our hearts uplifted and our way is made more pleasant. Friendship at Bethany should be our goal. AMEN

[All quotes taken from chapter 58 of The Desire of Ages unless otherwise indicated.]