“One well-ordered well-disciplined family tells more in behalf of Christianity than all the sermons that can be preached.” –The Adventist Home, p. 32. In other words, we can preach the Threefold Angels’ Message, have Bible studies and talk to people about Jesus; but, if our families fall apart, we should not expect that people will take us seriously. Only if we can show love and order in our families, will the sermons we give and the Bible studies we conduct be a blessing. No wonder Satan is trying so hard to destroy our families. We wish that we could say that problems in the families happen in the world only, and not in the church. Unfortunately, that is not the case. We must be on guard all the time.
While my wife, Franziska and I were building a house, we had rented part of a house from a man who was divorced. He said that his former wife was a devout Jehovah Witness, but at home she was a dragon. He was not impressed by her religion because of her behaviour at home. There are so many marriages that fall apart today; therefore, many people say, “Let’s not get married.” But that is not the answer. The Lord brought Eve to Adam; God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Genesis 2:18
Not many people are happy to live alone; we are social beings, we need company, somebody to communicate with. For example, I was working as an outside contractor in a factory and from time to time we had to deal with the maintenance department. There was one man there—whenever you asked him a question or asked for his help, he would always snap at you and say, “Can’t you do it yourself?” If you asked to borrow a tool, he would say, “Don’t you have your own?” So, one day I asked one of the employees in that factory, “Why is this man so difficult to deal with?” The answer was, “He used to be a very nice man before his wife died.” It is not easy to be alone.
When my wife and I got married, neither her parents nor my parents were able to attend the wedding, but my mom wrote me a letter. I do not remember much of what was written in the letter, but there were a few words I will never forget. She wrote, “When you are two, difficulties are only half as heavy to carry, but your joys will be double.” When you come home after a rough day at work and someone is there to cheer you up, you feel so much better. If you experience something joyful, you want to share your happiness. There is a satisfaction in sharing your experiences of the day with your loved ones.
One of the greatest gifts which God has given to us is the ability to speak. This is an amazing gift and this is how we can build on each other’s experiences. The achievements that man has reached would not have been possible without precise communication. One of the most important things in the family is to keep the communication open. Many misunderstandings happen because husband and wife do not sit down and discuss problems and come to a conclusion that is acceptable to both of them.
“How do I find the right spouse?” For the young man,” How do I find the right wife?” For the young lady, “How do I find the right husband?” There are many people living around us; never have there been as many as today, and still it may be more difficult to find the right spouse than ever before. Try to find someone who has the same goals. Do not only look at the appearance. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; . . . for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
How does God look at this person? Is he or she God-fearing? Can I share my faith with this individual? Is he or she realistic, truthful, and honest? Some years ago, I heard somebody say, “This woman is high maintenance.” Some women can spend money faster than any man can earn it; and, unfortunately, some men are just as bad. According to statistics, money is the biggest reason for arguments in the families and also the most common reason for divorce. So therefore, if the husband and wife can agree how to budget and find a way how to stretch the dollars, you are off to a good start. If you love the Lord, only a spouse who serves God will be able to share your interests and support you in church activities. The real joys in life can only be appreciated to the fullest if your Saviour can join you in all that you do. Always remember, that Christ should be the centre of your family. If He is, then there is nothing that can separate you.
Do not be in too much of a hurry to get married. Many who get married very young get into trouble and the marriage falls apart. “Early marriages are not to be encouraged. A relation so important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results should not be entered upon hastily, without sufficient preparation, and before the mental and physical powers are well developed.
“Boys and girls enter upon the marriage relation with unripe love, immature judgment, without noble, elevated feelings and take upon themselves the marriage vows, wholly led by their boyish, girlish passions.” –The Adventist Home, p. 79. Take your time. If you consider marriage, let the Lord lead you. Jesus says that if you ask for bread, He will not give you a stone. “Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?” Matthew 7:9. Listen to the advice of others, especially Christian parents. Be open with your parents about your friends. For a young lady, see how your boyfriend treats his mother; very likely this is how you will be treated. A young man who is contemplating marriage should ask himself whether his future wife can cook, clean, and take care of the necessary duties in the home.
When I was young it was always said, “Do not get married before you have finished your education.” That may not be quite the same today. Getting educated today generally takes longer than in the past and often people have to go back to school in order to keep up with new technology.
Who you marry is one of the most important decisions that you make in life, if not the most important. For almost any position that you apply for in the world, a licence is required, but nobody asks for your licence or qualifications when you want to get married. At the present time the General Conference is working on a course for those contemplating getting married.
Where is the best place to raise your family? Today, most people live in cities. Ellen G. White writes in The Adventist Home, page 137, “There is not one family in a hundred who will be improved physically, mentally, or spiritually by residing in the city.” On page 139 she writes, “Take your families away from the cities is my message.” It may not always be possible to live in the country, but cities have parks, trails, and green areas; make use of them. Have you ever noticed that people are friendlier when you meet them in nature than when you meet them downtown in a city? Think about John the Baptist; he was out in nature. The Sermon on the Mount was also out in nature and Jesus fed the 5,000 men and their families in the wilderness. So, try to spend some time in nature; it is good for your physical and mental health.
When you are looking for a place to live, look for a place where there is fresh air and a lot of sunlight. A good home should be well-insulated and have plenty of windows. When I do home repairs for people, I often come into a home and I ask myself, “Why is it so dark in here and why don’t they open the curtains and let the sunshine come in?” If you can avoid it, do not live in a basement or in a low area where it is wet and damp. It is much healthier to live higher up where the wind is blowing.
May the Lord guide us and help us to make the right choices in life is my prayer. AMEN.
Evald Pedersen